ok. so I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I'm slightly losing it. It... being the ability to remember who I am and why I love life. Furthermore... I watched the season finale of The Biggest Loser on hulu.com the other night and remembered, somehow, that I don't remember who I am. All of this got me thinking... maybe if I lost it. It... being the weight I've carried for 20 years, both physically and mentally from all of the trauma of my childhood, that just maybe if I lose it I could become who I am supposed to be.
Does that sound pathetic? Does it sound a little too psycho babble? Am I pulling at straws to keep a semblance of sanity in all of the ridiculous crises that continue to arise around me?
Honestly, I don't care. I need a project. I think that my project is going to be ME. I'm considering beginning a new blog about my losing it just two months shy of turning 30. I am actually considering promoting this blog to anyone and everyone I can and perhaps even making it a monetized blog. So here is the reason why...
I love to write. I want to take my life back from fate, or destiny, or my past, or whatever has been leading me down the paths I've taken in the past years. I want to be a healthy person inside and out. Furthermore, I think that people would enjoy reading about this journey. Could it be possible that people in my life, my community, and even strangers would want to support this girl in changing HER life? I've spent so many years trying to be the influential person in other people's lives, the shoulder to cry on, even the one to give advice. However, I need people to influence me in a positive direction right now. I need people to allow me to cry on their shoulder. I need people to give me advice. So maybe, just maybe, my first true attempt at letting the world in on my writing could be ever more so helpful to my recovery of ME.
What do you think... am I losing it? or could I possibly lose it in a way that could change my life for good?
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I think anytime we set out to achieve something, and then achieve it, we are changing our lives for the better. Whether it be losing weight, going back to school, or wherever we know we need a change.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you're losing it at all. I think you realize that you can be whoever you want to be. And girl. . . I know you, so I know that to be true. :)
Maybe you should talk with Liza (Jen's friend)? She did it in a very different way, but she might have some insight for you.. Here is her blog..
ReplyDeletehttp://lyricsofliza.blogspot.com/
Love ya girl and do whatever will make you the happiest...How's life back in Madison?
Chickadee..I use www.sparkpeople.com. It helps keeps me on track both mentally and physically both for trying to lose weight and just trying to be a better me. I write my blog there. You get to help people and they get to help and inspire you when you need it. It doesn't have to be about weight, most are just trying to be better for themselves and weight is often a part of that.
ReplyDeleteFeel free to lean this direction as well...we might not have the same history but there are certainly some similar things.
Love you and good luck with however you go about your journey. Just know we are here to help!